Lesson for All Time

My heart, regardless of what it has been through, is never wrong. From here on in, I will trust what it shows me forever. Tonight is showed me its power to withstand distance, hard times and my own human nature.
LTG

Not This Time

Well it is the time of year when people pretend to make resolutions and fool themselves into thinking they are going to turn over new leaves. That is all well and good for those people who need to do that whole "New Year, New Me" thing, but the last two years in particular have taught me that regardless of what people say or regardless of what sounds good, people do what they want to do....and exactly what they want to do without regard to time or place.

So, any changes I've experienced this year whether it be weight loss, the abrupt exit of the Gypsy King or even changing my research agenda all happened on their own schedules regardless of how I felt or what I tried to make happen.


The most I can say about 2011 is that I am grateful to have made it through with my life and my good health, as well as those things for those I love.

Who knows what 2012 will bring? All I know is that each day is a chance for me to create good energy, improve myself, and try to heal myself spiritually, and I plan to cherish every upcoming moment.

Namaste.

LTG

Maybe I'm Getting Old

Maybe I'm getting old because some of the trends I'm seeing lately are downright grating on my nerves as well as perplexing:
* Lacefronts Wigs: yes I know Beyonce,Ciara, Brandy, etc. all wear them, but these people are rich and have stylists and sometimes they don't even get them right. So why on earth do common not famous women think they can work a $19 dollar wig from Beauty Hut? Their hairlines look awful and wrong, and it makes me want to punch them....or at least snatch off the wig.

* Buying a car at sticker price, and leaving the sticker in the window: I know the popular culture dictates to throw money, blow money, etc., but as a homeowner and a parent with a child in private day school, I find it stupid to pay sticker price for a car. If you pay the full sticker price for a car, you're not only lacking swag, you're an idiot.

* Having Facebook or Twitter Wars: Sure, I get it. A social network is the place to socialize, send messages, have fun, etc., but boy do I hate seeing tweets and status updates dealing with cheating men, haters, lazy fathers, etc. whatever happened to certain types of business being private? Or at least DM or message the person. Yes, I'm sorry your child's father doesn't pay child support and that he posted pics of him with his new woman and tagged you, but why not hide him or block him altogether? if an emergency happens, surely you have his phone number, and Facebook isn't always the best way to contact someone in an emergency.

Yeah....

LTG

Random but Sincere Thought

There is nothing I want more right now than to escape to my happy, peaceful place of feeling complete....if only I could find it, I'd cherish it forever and not waste myself on people that don't realize my value and things that aren't worth time. I need a refill of my wherewithal.... LTG

Ugh

I don't like it when my creative energy is sporadic and blocked. Maybe I'm not a writer after all. Maybe I've even lied to myself about a few other things, too. So strange when your logic tells you one thing, but your heart tells you another.....even my haikus are awful. I. Old ghosts haunt me still, I want an exorcism, But no one can help. II. My mind cannot rest Until my heart finds its life But I rule alone. III. I can see clearly But my heart still won't open I am incomplete. IV. These haikus bore me, But how else can I say things? I will shut my mouth. V. Funny how at times My imaginations strays, Reality sucks. Well at least I know now that my fate sealed. There is to be No kingdom for me after all. I'm not a gypsy queen. I'm a freelance charlatan, selling tinctures at the kingdom gates ---and I'm ok with that. So at the end of my days of wandering aimlessly, I've nothing to do but lean against its walls and sit quietly until the darkness comes. My kingdom is long gone, burned to the ground with neglect, its jewels foraged by thieves who ran into the woods long ago. LTG

Crumbling

The cracks in my emotional veneer don't signal my demise. Perhaps they are only openings to let my true light shine through. LTG

Still Here

This semester with university has been awful. Aside from many badly timed and badly executed decisions made by those charged with leading the university and the university system, I find myself unable (unwilling?) to focus enough to write creatively. As for my scholarly work, I've adopted a leisurely pace with both my reading and working when in fact I have a publication offer on the table. Isn't that presumptuous and entitled of me to keep an editor waiting? Well the next few weeks are going to bring some drastic changes. Regardless of what many people say, I'm going to drop several more pounds, and when I return next semester I will not only have submitted my due publication, but be on track with a book proposal. I can do it. I will do it. LTG

Unhappiness

Unhappiness takes small bites Out of me. It chews me slowly -- pu-tuuuh! It shoots me against Life's wall, and I slide slowly Downward Leaving only a memory In my path. LTG

Over It

Every once in a while, I find myself saying, "I'm over" something. Or even saying to Horent, "Dude, I'm so over this." But those times I don't really think I knew exactly what the energy behind those words was. At those times, I just meant I was tired of something, but that I would try again. I wasn't really "over it".

But now, there are a few things I truly am "over", and I'm grateful for the sense of freedom and happiness I have as a result of being completely through. Being over this particular list of people, things, places and other attachments is the first step in freeing my creative energy to the point I would like it to be. So, in honor of being over aforementioned attachments, I must come with some haiku:

I.
I already see
Exactly where your mind is...
Ha! You thought like lit.

II.
Profiles don't matter,
I'm bored with you stalking me.
Good bye to Facebook.

III.
Don't need attention,
Don't need anything from you.
Keep doing your thing.

IV.
Ur so very vain!
Ain't no poems on here for you.
I live as I please.


V.
Sad, how people lie --
Words can sound so beautiful.
But they are hot air.

VI.
I'm so over this.
Thank God I'm a Gypsy Queen.
I rule my own world.

VII.
Good-bye Gypsy King
No love lost at all, Old Man.
Love was the wrong word.

VIII.
Brave and gentle man
I can see what you're up to,
You're still a hater :-)

IX.
Nothing like a crush
To get a cold heart pumping
Love good energy.

X.
A quiet man's thoughts
Can flow freely from his eyes --
I don't think he blinks.

LTG

Never

When?
I begged the sky to tell me.
Is it now?
I stilled my heart in patience's liquor.
Surely after this, right?
The universe knows my measure.
Again?
I pestered, exhausted, but the sky spat raindrops at me.
Now, Great Peace?
But silence was the only part of peace I received.
Ok,
I whispered and was hurt.
Please now?
I submitted myself once again....
Oh, then never?
And suddenly I knew the answer.


LTG